This is a transcription of the episiode. It includes all dialouge.


  • [We zoom down a mountain where Acetone Peroxide explodes, and the resulting crater is shaped in the logo of Brendan's company. More acetone peroxide explodes on the mountain, with the craters forming the words "Venturian Battle".]
  • [The camera pans down the mountain to a grassland. Robert Jacob is leading his brothers through it during the night.]
  • Robert: The cannibals are coming, I know by that smell. That putrid smell. Smells putrid. [Thunderbolts crash on the grassland; cue the Castle Thunder sound effect playing.] Son of a switch! [A trio of cannibals approaches.]
  • Clip Chief: [Holding decapitated skull] To be, or not to be, that is the question! [Chief crushes skull into oblivion, revealing a cerebrum, which he eats]. Robert, you must have done morels.
  • Robert: I am scared a far worse fate has destined you.
  • Clip Chief: Because you killed those babies! [Throws war hammer at Robert, which Robert redirects to Clip's arm, electrocuting and singeing it.] Did I mention you cannot kill me? [Robert throws an 🍆eggplant🍆 at Clip's head, decapitating it, yet Clip is still mobile.]
  • Robert: Unbelievable. Listen, ya gotta have some weakness. I will assemble an apocalypse team, and we both bet two peridot gems. I know I will win our bet.
  • Clip Chief: Very well. You have until I meet you next.
  • Robert: I will be back. And will I have a full apocalypse team, too!
  • [Cut to Robert in his Adobe mansion browsing through apocalypse teams on a PC.]
  • Robert: Apocalypse team, apocalypse team. Well, the internet is like an ore. It never does anything correctly. Wait, I gotta look over again. Yup, all of these use the same template. And that means I will, to!
  • [Cut to Robert searching through the outskirts of Flakerot to find members for the apocalypse team. Robert finds Florence Ingrid doing complicated algebra on a sign. Robert checks off the "Brains" part on his list. He finds Vanessa Ingrid shooting a guy point blank. Robert checks off the "Brawler" part on his list. He finds Zoe Ingrid planting sea mines into chests one per second, and sets them all off. He checks off the "Speed Fighter" part of his list. He finds Jake using legendary powers to stop the fighting. He checks off the "Second in Command to Autocrat" on his list. He finds Ted get a shotgun out of his pork pie hat, and Robert checks off "Weapons Expert". Robert looks over to a Doyon Want Get Goblet of Beer?.]
  • Glender: You seem like you wanna go there. To reduce drunkness, take my meds! [Hands Robert a beaker.]
  • Robert: Is this a vial of boogers?
  • Glender: Nah, it's mah meds! [Robert drinks the vial of boogers, and crosses of Medic. Robert spots Scarlet doing a cute face. He crosses off "mascot". Finally, Robert crosses of "Man who Dies First" when he sees Sid sleeping when a minecart is about to run him over.]
  • Robert: All of you! I got something to tell you all [All eight walk over to Robert as he whispers to them, represented by a "psst Pitt psst" sound effect.]
  • [Cut to Robert's Adobe mansion.]
  • Robert: I have gathered all of you to be members of my apocalypse team. You all seemed like worthy candidates for the roles. Me and my brothers are also in our team. Today, we will be going on our first staff meeting: to Doyon Want get Goblet of Beer?! [Cuts to DWgGoB. Robert finds it to be a silo covered in rust. The entrances are rusted and there are rusty park benches.]
  • Robert: What. The. Fug.
  • Terrence: What if it's a normal bar, just with a high ceiling? [Everyone enters and it turns out to be a normal bar with a high ceiling.] Foreshadowed! [Robert walks to the reception.]
  • Robert: It's happy hour. And we are getting 24 beers.
  • Receptionist: Alright, that will be 23 jades.
  • Robert: [Worried] ALL THE CHARGES ARE ON THE HER [Points to Vanessa.]
  • Vanessa: Me?
  • Receptionist: Alright ma'am, that will be 23 jades. [Vanessa pukes on the floor. Cut to the team drinking beer at the bar.]
  • Robert: It's great that I can put press charges on someone and not get arrested.
  • Zoe: Yeah, you also charged a total goober on all this.
  • Vanessa: SHUT UP!!
  • Zoe: Do not say shut up in public!
  • Vanessa: I am an adult I can do whatever the [beep] I want! [Zoe spanks her with a knife.] WA WA WA!
  • Florence: [Sleeping] I do not remember how much I have had.
  • Glender: [Balancing a knife on his crotch.] I hope I get a world record for this! [The knife pokes his penis.] OW WOW POW MOW!!! AH!! [Runs with knife stuck in his crotch.]
  • Jake: SOI SOI SOI!!!
  • Terrence: If you think your drunk, go to me. [Terrence throws up on the floor.]
  • Tyler: Why is everyone so drunk? I can binge enough to not get drunk!
  • Robert: Well, since Staples sells staples, we are going to Dick's! [Everyone cheers.]
  • [Cut to them driving into a Dlab village at night with all-too satisfied looks on their faces. A swarm of Clips comes over.]
  • Robert: Yes, and you know what you owe me? [Clip hands Robert four peridot gems, and also rips out his rotten pancreas and plops it onto Robert's hand.] Eaugheaugheaugheaugheaugheaugh!!!!!

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