Directed by Brendan
Play this music: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=chLZQtCold8
Robert Jacob: We have gone on many missions, brothers. We have gone through caverns, torture chambers, but what happens next will change your perspective on the world forever!
Terrence Jacob: Well, what is this great adventure you are referring to, Robert?
Robert: You know that Portal Room I will murder you if you go in?
Robert: Well now you can go in their without getting killed!
Robert: But remember, we are going to a specific portal, so you can’t just choose any old portal.
*Cut to the Portal Hallway. Robert and his brothers walk in.*
Robert: Here we are, the Portal Room! Now, naturally there could not be portals for infinite amount of time if I did not put them in these frames!
Terrence: How did you get all these materials?
Tyler: None of them I can recognize… except that obsidian one.
Robert: We are safe for now, but some creatures could come out at any time… the full list is Flying Monkeys, Extraterrestrials, Beasts, Cakes, Chimaera, Thanatos, Famine, Satan, Jabberwock, Kappa, Trolls, Abominations, Slime, Pestilence, and War.
Tyler: Which portal are we going through?
Robert: The Byzantium one. Behold, the Hell-Gate! Try not to look at it too long, or else you will act like a drunkard!
Terrence: Well, is this going to be the slowest portal ever?
Robert: You bet your Streak O Lean.
*They go through the portal and it takes thirty seconds for them to get there*
Robert: Welcome to the burning dimension of hell.
*A montage begins. A man tries to make friends with a zombie, but he fails, and slaps the zombie in the face. More zombies surround the man, and kill him with their golden blades. Another man waves to an Ex-Spouse, but gets shot by its explosive fire charges, killing him. Another person is in a swordfight with a zombie, and trips into the spirit sand, allowing the zombie to slaughter him. A lone man uses a fire striker to light some Hell-Rack, then lights a stalk of barley like a cigar, and an Ex-Spouse is massacring a group of people in the background.*
Tyler: We should have known what we were getting into when Robert said it would bring us to Hell.
Terrene: Yes, and we should have left Reuben at home.
Robert: Legend has it that a zombie will let you live if you have a swine with you, and maybe if you do not… What, I read the wiki!
Terrence: A Zombie? What is the wiki?
Robert: A zombie is that really ugly rotten fellow over there with the gold sword. The wiki is a book some English Teacher sold me. It will tell us all there is to know about Hell.
*Robert drops the book in front of the zombie. He walks over and picks it up, then stares at the zombie, then looks back at his brothers.*
Robert: The zombie, the walking dead. Despite their bloodied and rotted exterior, the zombies are much less deadly than the Ex-Spouses. Kind of pointless, actually!
Tyler: What is an Ex-Spouse?
*Robert points to an Ex-Spouse killing a bunch of people by shooting exploding plasma. The Ex-Spouse rapid fires plasma, as if it were a machine gun. A man runs over and fires his gun at it repeatedly, killing it.*
Robert: Ex-Spouses, the most unjust, most hated creature in all of Venture. They are flying jellyfish which shoot explosive plasma.
*They continue to walk, and Terrence notices red stones.*
Terrence: Is that… bloody rocks?
Athansios: I am very sure it is rotten corpses decomposed into rocks.
Robert: It is Hell Rock! Wait, getting my facts incorrect- Blood Rock! Exactly what Terrence said, and possibly what Athansios did.
Terrence: Told you so.
Robert: Blood Rock never burns away, but it burns indefinitely when set alight.
Tyler: Then why is it not burning since it is covered in molten rocks?
Robert: It needs to be manually set on fire, watch!
*Robert gets some flint and metal and strikes it over the Blood Rock, causing a flame to emerge.*
Terrence: Now I can roast some Hei!
Robert: Not that easy Terrence. We are in Hell. We got to kill some of these monsters if we are going anywhere.
Terrence: I truly admire that swordsman’s fighting style.
*Cut to a man on a mountain with a steel blade, who is about to get shot by plasma. He then hits the fireball back at the Ex-Spouse, causing it to explode to pieces.*
Scottie: What music to you think would play here? I think woodwind.
Prisco: I think bass.
Boyce: Oddly enough, all of those at the same time.
Robert: Uh, perhaps we should kill those monsters?
*A horde of zombies and Ex-Spouses approaches.*
Robert: Okay, hide behind this mountain and shoot at them!
Terrence: That is far too much of a risk! I am going to that Castle!
Robert: Well, so am I!
All: Let’s go there!
*The brothers are walking over to the fort, they notice some bedrock.*
Robert: Well, we are definitely in the core of the planet.
Terrence: Eh, men? There is no bridge!
Robert: Well, how to cross molten rock…
… I guess mining solves everything!
*The eight brothers mine some blood rocks and build a bridge over the magma.*
Robert: That proves my previous theory.
Athansios: Would you rather fight a mega horde of cannibals the size of Hei, or a tiny group of Hei the size of cannibals?
Scottie: Sure, the wee cannibals.
Cyan: Really? It is a massive horde of them! What if you had no weapons?
Scottie: Well, all I would need is spade.
Robert: Hate to say it, but the huge Hei.
Prisco: Well, imagine how big they would be! Imagine their big feet!
Terrence: You are missing the point! The point is to choose the titanic Hei!
Tyler: Yeah! Imagine how many Hei nuggets you could get?
Athansios: The point is not to choose the Hei! The point is to choose whatever you want, and have someone complain about your choice.
Robert: That is what we are doing!
Boyce: Well, we are getting close.
Terrence: Good thing I got some water!
*Terrence pours a pail of water on the fire and it instantly dehydrates.*
Robert: Yes, let’s do something else.
*They walk around the fire.*
Tyler: *Pulls out a clock* Uh, why has my clock gone PSYCHO?
Robert: In Hell, clocks do not work. *Robert puts his hand behind the rest.*
Scottie: What now?
Robert: Spirit Sand. Step in it, and you go slower than the slowest cannibal ever.
Robert: Until you get out.
Terrence: Like quicksand?
Robert: No, you are not getting sucked into it instead you just get stuck in it.
*Robert shovels out some Spirit Sand, and the rest follows his lead.*
Tyler: You know if there was a horde of monsters attacking us, this would make a big trap.
Robert: At home, yes. Here, no. The zombies are only a threat if we provoke them, and Ex-Spouses would just fly over it.
Prisco: MY EYES!!!!
Robert: Fluorescent-Rock. It is a glass-like rock which emits an intense glow.
Robert: Do not stare directly at it, child.
Boyce: This could be useful…
Robert: We are here! Remember, this place may be filled to the brim with Ex-Spouses, so be warned!
*They enter, and it turns out to be a bar for survivors in Hell and zombies.*
Listen to this: https://www.youtuberepeat.com/watch?v=LfUQrCeNm7k
Robert: This is beyond my expectations, by far.
*People and zombies are potion drinking, gambling, negotiating, scheming, and arguing.*
Terrence: This place is a mess.
Clark: ROBERT JACOB!
*The whole room goes silent and looks at them.*
Robert: Oh man. Hey, Clark!
Clark: Surprised to see you here.
Tyler: Who are you?
Clark: I am Clark. I live in an empire, specifically in the industrial area. You do not care about that, do you?
Tyler: Yes I do!
Clark: Well, I like you. Robert, do you need anything? Need anything desperately? I am on it if you do.
Clark: All eight of you, follow me!
*As they walk away, a man talks to another.*
Andrew: Alert the ADU. The brothers have been sighted.
*A zombie notices them.*
Zombie: RrAaA araa RrrrrrAAAaA RrrrrrAaA raa UuUUuRRR GRRR ggrR GgRRRrr!!
Robert: What is with all the attention?
Clark: You eight are the only Robert, Terrence, Tyler, Athansios, Scottie, Prisco, Cyan, and Boyce Jacob. Try to appreciate fame.
Robert: Fame? I feel famed and infamous by some of these people!
*Clark gets them some fruit.*
Clark: So, you told them to go through your Portal Room? Robert, I can tell you and your brothers are going be in some deep Spirit Sand soon.
Robert: That is bovine bologna! We always look out for Spirit Sand around here.
Athansios: Robert, I thought we came here for help and shelter, not talking!
Terrence: Before I thought this place would be infested by demons and devils!
Tyler: …same thing here.
Scottie: Robert, do you know what Pumpkin Head is?
Robert: According to the wiki, pumpkins are plants which grow. People have used their face-shaped pattern which grows on them during All Hallows Eve to scare off the creatures. Kind of prefer an abbreviation of that. How about “Halloween”?
Clark: I have read the wiki, too. As it turns out, Pumpkin Head is a decapitated Horseman who uses a Jack O Lantern as his head.
Robert: Jack O Lanterns are pumpkins with torches in them to convey light.
Terrence: I am an idea of getting some of the Fluorescent Rock here and putting it in a pumpkin to make a Hell O’ Lantern.
Tyler: Fluorescent Rock is too large to fit in a pumpkin!
Terrence: Then how about Fluorescent Rock Dust?
Clark: Hate to break it to you, but only full Fluorescent Rock can grow.
Terrence: How about Scarlet Rock Torches?
Robert: Terrence, you are determined. That is why we need you.
Terrence: Thank you.
Robert: Thank you!
Clark: So, I have an idea for a trap to get the Headless Horseman.
Robert: And how?
Clark: Well, we get a pumpkin and a Jack O Lantern because the wiki tells us he is interested in those. Remember to make the floor rock so he does not notice the rock 1500-Megawatt-Scarlet Rock-Super-Colliding-Super Button. Then, the pressure plate activates a piston to pull away the rocks, and he will fall into some Spirit Sand. Then, we will have Blood Rock outlining it and have it set on fire, and then we he tries to escape, BURN BABY, BURN!
Robert: That is going to be hard to set up…
Clark: Bamboo and San will be able to help you.
Robert: Thank you.
Prisco: I feel in the mood to dig back down. All these people are making me sick.
Cyan: Digging will not be necessary, I see a stairway down.
Boyce: Fair enough.
*The brothers step down into a basement corridor. Robert walks carefully and confused.*
Robert: Why did we go down here, again?
*They head down the hall, and a group of provoked zombies come up.*
Zombies: Ooooo GrRR GrRr gGGRRrrr RRaAAAA Rrrr GrR GGrR MRrr GRrR ### UURR Ooooo Ooooo rOOo aaAAHH araa ##### Rrrrrr oRr!!
Robert: KILL THEM!
*The brothers get out Diamond Blades and cut down and murder all the zombies.*
Terrence: That was a close one.
*They move into a dark, small, vaulted storage room. Ancient treasure lines the floor and walls, but there is something specific Robert is drawn into; a bed. Robert lays on it, and causes a colossal explosion.*
*An Ex-Spouse notices the hole in the wall, and flies over.*
Ex-Spouse: *Disturbed and loud shrieks.*
Tyler: AN EX-SPOUSE! *Pulls out a gun.*
Robert: Let’s make some fried Ex-Spouse jam for dinner.
Ex-Spouse: *Infuriated and loud scream.*
Robert: Ooh, poor Ex-Spouse. If only you were not so deadly and evil!
*Robert fires a bullet at the Ex-Spouse.*
Ex-Spouse: *Unrealistically loud and disturbed scream.*
*The Ex-Spouse fires explosive plasma at the floor.* Athansios: Well, looks like we need to kill it!
*Athansios punches the Ex-Spouse and it explodes into white goop.*
Terrence: We should have that for dessert.
Tyler: But I wanted Ex-Spouse jam!
Robert: Well, there are plenty of Ex-Spouses around here, so you go get some if you really want it.
*Robert builds a portal again, then lights it, and the brothers go through.*
Robert: Where are we now?
Terrence: Buccaneer Bay, a well-known fishing neighborhood.
Tyler: Well, right now we are stuck on this tall vertical stone…
Athansios: And there are cannibals and shooters swarming down there.
Listen to this: https://www.youtuberepeat.com/watch?v=XUhbL6-Zo1U
Robert: Alright, let’s use our guns. We should take advantage of the long sight line.
Scottie: The shooters have an extremely long sightline, too.
Prisco: We should hope for the best. The creatures have an excellent chance of killing us, and vice versa. *They fire their guns and kill about half of the creatures. The shooters start firing at them.*
Robert: Shooters have no brain, so no wonder all their shots are missing us. We kill those boneheads before they get close enough to murder us!
*They continue firing their guns, sending shooter heads and limbs flying over the battlefield.*
Cyan: Uh, men? The cannibals are closing in on us!
Boyce: Switch to the diamond claymores!
*The brothers pull out their diamond swords and cut down cannibals, sending arms and heads flying and green blood splattering.*
Robert: That was scary.
Terrence: That sure was a close one, eh, Robert?
Tyler: *Digging up a dead body* I think the cannibals and shooters are not the first living people to get killed here.
Robert: You see that large shelter?
Robert: Well, there is a creature creator there. If we can surround it with a barrier, no more monsters will be able to escape!
Athansios: Sounds like a plan.
Robert: You bet all your gold it is!
*They walk over to the large home.*
Robert: Okay, we all got short work for us. We each will split up some soil to make this a team effort in stopping the monsters.
*They each share an equal amount of dirt and build walls surrounding the creature creator area.*
Scottie: Now those creepy crawlies will be unable to kill anyone.
Tyler: Besides the skeleton I found buried here.
Shooter: *Subtitled* Alright, the Jacobs are down there. Go over the high ledges surrounding the mountain to use as your high ground.
Robert: Okay, I am tired of fighting, let’s run!
Shooter: *Subtitled* DO NOT LET THEM ESCAPE!
*The shooters fire a volley of bullets, but the brothers are no hit by any of them.*
Shooter: *Subtitled* There are several mountain ledges, they are great sniping positions, but be warned, lest one of the brothers see you, they will instantly kill you!
Robert: Beat it, shooters, your aim is terrible! *Robert kills a shooter, and his brothers follow*
Shooter: *Subtitled* Unleash the Pipipi!
*The Shooter then gets his head sliced off, and it falls off of the rock bridge. A Pipipi approaches, but Robert slashes it thrice, and it falls dead.*
Terrence: Now we should relax since we killed those horrible scary shooters. How about a drink?
Athansios: Don’t you have anything besides Milk?
Terrence: No, let’s see what is in Fargo’s Fish Fritters. *Terrence gets an axe and slices through the wood.
Robert: Holy earth! This place is full of potions!
Tyler: Will they affect us negatively or not?
Robert: Well, according to the wiki… yes, all except the indigo one.
Scottie: Why not the violet one?
Robert: Drink it, and you will die.
*Crawling noise is heard.*
Prisco: Crawlers, just what we needed.
Terrence: Alright, hide in the beacon or they will crawl in your nose!
*They run into the lighthouse.*
Cyan: This is an excellent vantage point to kill the crawlers!
Boyce: Alright, ready…
*They fire their guns repeatedly and kill the crawlers, green blood staining the ground.*
Tyler: Well, I do not know what use we have more crawler intestines, but alright.
Athansios: Sometimes, you just got to kill something for the sake of killing it.
Scottie: Well, let’s see if we should go fishing now that we have a break from all this killing.
Robert: Alright, boats?
Cyan: Fishing rods?
Boyce: Let’s catch some fish!
Play this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T7q61R5EqvA
Robert: Finally, I can relax from all that assassination and relax by doing what the common folk do here.
Tyler: This is my first time, so what do I do?
Athansios: None of us have gone fishing before.
Robert: The wiki says it is simple. Cast the line into the sea.
*They all cast the line into the ocean.*
Robert: Your position does not matter; you can be in a boat, in water, or on land.
Scottie: We all are in boats, you know.
Robert: Watch the bobber closely. See any small splashes?
Robert: When a fish bites it, a small trail heads towards the bobber. When it dips below the surface, immediately reel it in. Seriously, you have half a second.
*They all end up reeling a fish in.*
Robert: So, we all got a fish. Remember, if you miss a bite, leave the line in the water and wait for another bite.
*We cut to after they have gone fishing, and are counting down who got the most fish.*
Cyan: Okay, Robert got six, Terrence got eight, Tyler got five, Athansios got nine, Scottie got seven, Prisco got six too, I got four, and Boyce got five. Athansios won!
Athansios: Whoa, whoa, calm down Cyan. Nobody won. We were doing this for fun.
Robert: Yes, Athansios, I was, too.
Terrence: Athansios was just lucky that he got to go on The King of Red Dandelions.
Tyler: Well Terrence, you got almost as much as him.
Boyce: Why did Tyler and I get so few?
Cyan: I do not even like fish that much. Four is good enough for me.
Robert: Okay, how about some dinner?
Return to this: https://www.youtuberepeat.com/watch?v=XUhbL6-Zo1U
Prisco: Okay, let’s go to the docks. We should cook our fish before eating!
Scottie: Prisco is always ahead of the game! Let’s go.
*They rush to the Sermon Seafood Sensation restraunt.*
Athansios: Do you cook freshly caught?
Cook: What type?
Robert: Ugh! The wiki does not tell me what type.
Cook: Let me see. *He sees their fish* White crappies, tilapia, and cod. I cook all of those.
Tyler: Ah yes!
*The cook goes to his furnace, while Robert reserves a table for them.*
Terrence: Are you afraid of him?
Terrence: *Whispering* Headless Horseman.
Athansios: Yeah, like saying “Pumpkin Head” will send all these fishers into hysteria.
*The fishermen start screaming.*
Angler: WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT GO TO THE HEADLESS HORSEMAN’S ACROPOLIS!!!
Scottie: Pumpkin Head has a fortress? What a world!
Cook: Uh, sirs, here the fish is ready. Just do not tell anyone about the decapitated horseman.
Cook: He is a serial killer who lives in a stronghold right next to here.
Terrence: I was surprised to learn a man who wears a Jack O Lantern on his head is so scary.
*Cut to after they ate all the fish. They walk out of the restraunt.*
Cyan: That was much better than I anticipated.
Prisco: Are you positive that was what the cook said? It tasted like sardines.
Boyce: Keep an eye out for Ooze beneath the dock. They make for an easy kill.
Robert: Yeah, I could always use more rehab pills – I mean slime balls.
*The brothers jump down and kill the large ooze.*
Tyler: More ooze to kill!
*They continue slaughtering the oozes, and wee ooze are all that is left.*
Cyan: The ooze is not trying to kill us now, but we got to get those snot balls.
*They kill the teeny ooze and make off with the goo balls.*
Athansios: So, since these are not drugs –at least according to Robert, what do we do with them?
Robert: According to the wiki, we will need them later on, but for now, they are useless.
Terrence: Well that is literally the most loyal information your batty book has given us!
Robert: Lighten up, will you? It has helped us with everything so far!
Tyler: Oh yeah? Does it have an actually useful entry on the HEADLESS HORSEMAN?
Robert: Gr… nobody has met Pumpkin Head and lived to tell the tale!
Scottie: Instead of complaining like children, how about we go to this stronghold he has?
Prisco: Good idea.
*Cut to the castle. Robert Jacob stops his brothers again.*
Robert: From these windows, I see the horseman has creature creators for each enemy creature. Even the Hell hostiles! Well, the shooters are most likely going to use that hole in the outer wall to get any chance to snipe us. So, get some sponges and build over the wall!
Robert: Yes Terrence?
Terrence: Out of any material in the known galaxy, why sponge?
Robert: Because Porous Bob’s is having a sale. If you buy none, you get sixty four sponges free!
Tyler: How did they get all those sponges?
Robert: Great question, but I do not know.
*The brothers build a wall of sponges over the hole.*
Athansios: Would you call that a day?
Scottie: How are we going to get in? The entrance is sealed by diamond, and so is the floor!
Robert: We could use our metallic pickaxes, but I want to blow stuff up! So let’s use acetone peroxide!
*Robert places acetone peroxide over the diamond blocking the door, lights it with a fire striker, and runs away.*
Robert: Close call!
*The brothers walk in, and find a man at the front.*
Butler: Guten tag.
Terrence: *Scottish Accent* Wait, did intend to leave us at the docks all day? We are drenched!
Tyler: *Scottish Accent* Now look! I have gone and caught a sniffle.
Butler: Werden Sie erwartet?
Prisco: *Scottish Accent* Nehmen Sie nicht diesen Ton mit mir, mein guter Mann. Jetzt abbinden und sagen Nobleman Jacobs, und seine schöne Assistentin Sind hier, um die Tapisserien zu sehen.
Cyan: *Scottish Accent* Lieber, der Mann ist dicht. Das ist ein Schloß, nicht wahr? Es gibt Tapisserien?
Butler: This is a castle, we have several tapestries. But if you all are Scottish lords, then I am SpongeBob Squarepants!
Robert: How dare he?
*Robert pulls out a gun and headshots the butler, killing him.*
Terrence: That was a close one.
*They creep past a room full of monsters.*
Tyler: Not these men again.
*Athansios pulls out his gun as they step to the closed door and listen.*
Scottie: This one. I think he is in here.
Prisco: Who told you that?
*Scottie points out some Scarlet Rock.*
Cyan: Oh, because it is wired!
*They enter another door. The Headless Horseman is spotted.*
Pumpkin Head: Ah! RETREAT!
*A mine trolley smashes through the window in the castle.*
Conductor: Escape while you can!
Pumpkin Head: You will not get away with this, Robert Jacob!
Robert: HE KNOWS MY NAME!
Terrence: He doesn’t know my name!
Pumpkin Head: YES, Terrence! I do not have all day to escape.
*The Headless Horseman escapes from the castle, and the brothers give chase.*
Athansios: Attach all eight of these acetone peroxides to the castle!
Athansios: BECAUSE YOU CAN!
*They each grab a bomb and attach it to the fort, then light it with fire strikers, and escape onto a pirate ship. The stronghold then explodes.*
Robert: Now to escape on this Pirate Ship!
*The brothers go on the Pirate Ship.*
Pumpkin Head: YOU! ROBERT! TERRENCE! TYLER! ATHANSIOS! SCOTTIE! PRISCO! CYAN! BOYCE!
All: You know our names!
Pumpkin Head: You know you are standing on acetone peroxide mine, right?
Terrence: Not again!
*They all escape and the acetone peroxide is set off, exploding part of the ship.*
*All eight brothers run as a mast falls down and crushes part of the ship.*
Robert: Who are you? *Slices the Headless Horseman with his sword.*
Pumpkin Head: YOU WILL NEVER GET INFORMATION FROM ME!
*More acetone peroxide falls on the ship, and the Jacobs and Headless Horseman jump off as it explodes.*
Athansios: The Headless Horseman is escaping! Fortunately, I have heard that Whitecap Lighthouse can track a man’s location.
Scottie: We do not even know he is a man. Maybe he is a species of humanoids who have Jack O Lanterns for heads?
Prisco: Extremely unlikely. After all, if he had his species’ normal head, why would he be called the HEADLESS Horseman?
Cyan: It is night again, so we are going to need torches. We need a lot of torches.
Boyce: Smell that, brothers? It is the Blood Rock, those dark red stones from Hell. The stuff burns like a miracle from a deity.
Robert: It is twilight. Twilight is the perfect time to use Whitecap Lighthouse.
*The brothers reach the lighthouse and walk inside.*
Terrence: *Building a barricade over the entryway* I cannot let the monsters of the night in while we do this.
Tyler: I am afraid you are too late, lad. Crawlers are all over the place.
Athansios: There are too many of them! Let’s light this acetone peroxide.
Scottie: Aren’t we going to run out of that soon?
Athansios: LIGHT IT!
*Athansios gives Scottie a fire striker, then he lights the acetone peroxide and they all escape to the second floor as the crawlers are caught in the explosion, purple blood flooding.*
Prisco: A cannibal must have climbed that hill! *Prisco shoots a cannibal off of the hill.*
Cyan: Okay, I have traced the Headless Horseman’s location to the mine.
Robert: The wiki says this place also attracts monsters… I should have read that earlier.
Boyce: Escape! *Boyce gets a large wood stick and TNT, then smacks it and jumps out as the beacon explodes as he lands in the water.*
*Cut to the mine. The Jacobs are placing torches over the mine, as they walkthrough.*
Terrence: Um, men? I think I am out of torches.
Tyler: Well this is an unusual mine.
Robert: This is no mine… this is a tomb.
Athansios: Oh… no… please… no…
*Scottie pulls a crude bullet out of a skeleton.*
*They all pull out diamond blades.*
Prisco: We should not have come here. Let’s make for the Headless Horseman and end this madness.
Pumpkin Head: *In the distance* Finally, I have created a Hell Portal. This will bring Hell to Earth, and all hope shall be lost!
Terrence: We hear you now, Headless Horseman!
*Headless Horseman presses a button, and acetone peroxide blows open the wall separating the two, causing a rock slide. Within seconds, a ton of stones seal the entrance, but we cut to behind them, and all eight brothers have escaped.*
Tyler: We now have one choice… we must face the long dark of this mine. Be on your guard… there are foul and old things in this deep place.
*The brothers cross a bridge.*
Robert: Quietly, now. It is a four hour journey to the other side. Let us hope our presence is unnoticed.
*They continue up a steep stair, passing through a graveyard. Rotting corpses are strewn about and graffiti is scrawled in dried blood.*
Athansios: Three passages… I do not know this place at all.
Scottie: Are we lost?
Prisco: No. I do not think we are. Hush, Robert is thinking.
Cyan: I am famished.
Robert: There is something down there…
Terrence: *Quietly* It is Pumpkin Head.
Tyler: I have seen him escaping for the past three hours.
Athansios: He did not escape. He was setting up a trap, my instinct tells me.
Scottie: Your instinct is unnecessary here.
Prisco: Yes it is! I feel it, too.
Cyan: It is a pity Robert did not kill him while he could.
Robert: Pity? It was pity that stayed my fingers. Several that live should die, and the ones that die should live. Can you give it to him, Cyan? *Cyan frowns*
Terrence: Do not be eager to deal out death in judgement… even the wisest man in the world could not see all ends. I fear we have walked right into the Headless Horseman’s trap. The pity of Robert shall rule the fate of several.
Tyler: I wish we never found Pumpkin Head… I wish none of this is happening.
Athansios: Everyone who has lived to see things like this did, but they did not have the decision. All they decided is what the time finally gave them.
Boyce: There are several forces in the world besides the Headless Horseman. We were meant to choose the Hell-Gate. We were also meant to find the Jack O’ Lantern fellow. *He points to the Headless Horseman about to flip a lever wired to acetone peroxide.*
Scottie: He has remembered!
Boyce: When in doubt, always follow your nose! *Laughs*
Prisco: Seriously, run!
*The horseman runs off and the brothers give chase and narrowly avoid the acetone peroxide exploding the mine*
Robert: Well, there is an eye opener in this room.
*Robert points to a crushed wood ingress, with bullets embedded in the timbers. Two human skeletons are found.*
Terrence: ROBERT! *Robert runs off and digs through a six foot mound of dead bodies. Robert finds a grave and cringes.*
Tyler: *Reading the grave* Here lies Commander Jacob, son of Robert Jacob, lieutenant murdered by a decapitated horseman.
*Athansios lifts the decayed remains of a book from the skeleton. It has been cut up and ripped, and is covered in dried blood. The pages crack and fall out as he opens it* Scottie: We must not mourn, move on!
Athansios: *Reading* He was going to me, so I barred the gates. I can’t hold on long enough. The ground shook, and I heard his voice. A shadow is moving towards me. Will nobody save me? He has come.
*Prisco trips overs and causes the son’s carcass falls down a hole, dropping into a hole full of magma. Prisco climbs up.*
Robert: Prisco, you idiot! If we even come back, I am kicking you in there because of your brainlessness!
*A disturbed shrieking noise comes from below.*
Terrence: This is your fault!
*An Ex-Spouse flies out from the pit.*
Tyler: Get your guns ready! We got another Ex-Spouse to kill!
Athansios: NO! IT IS TOO DEADLY!
*Scottie and Prisco build an iron wall protecting them from the Ex-Spouse.*
Scottie: See? Nothing to worry abo—*The Ex-Spouse shoots a fire charge at the metallic wall, exploding it.*
Robert: You should have built it out of cobblestone.
*The Ex-Spouse shoots another lava ball, which collides with a wall, blowing stone out and into the molten rock below.*
Terrence: Take this you ghostly disgrace! *Terrence runs overs and stabs it with his diamond blade.*
Ex-Spouse: *Furious growl*
*It shoots another fireball, but it lands on a pillar instead of a Jacob.*
Tyler: I got the hang of this!
*The brothers run over, and Athansios punches the freak. Cyan runs over and shoots it with a gun.*
Boyce: We won.
Prisco: For now. I fear Pumpkin Head is only creating more and more Hell monsters by the second.
*They run to another door, as zombies crawl down columns like cockroaches. They reach a bridge, where the Headless Horseman awaits.* Robert: Make sure they are safe, Athansios. I will deal with this behemoth. *Athansios hesitates.*
Robert: Do as I say. I need you all to survive.
Pumpkin Head: That will not matter. I will be done with you within seconds, than your brothers will get killed in no shorter time.
*Robert slashes the Headless Horseman through the chest with his diamond blade.*
Pumpkin Head: It is going to take much more than this to deal with me! *The Headless Horseman stabs Robert through the chest. However, his diamond armor deflected the stab.*
Terrence: Yeah! Maybe next time you should consider a true warrior wears his breastplate UNDER his shirt, eh, Headless Horseman?
Pumpkin Head: Enough, Gold Girl! Now, won’t you mind while I kill Cocoa here?
*Robert stabs Headless Horseman through the head.*
Robert: Weren’t expecting that, were you? Besides, your pumpkin is overcompensating!
Pumpkin Head: TAKE. THAT. BACK!!!! *Headless Horseman charges at Robert, but he jumps over and kicks the horseman down.*
Tyler: Come on, you got to face that your pumpkin is bite-sized!
Pumpkin Head: That is it! I am killing you first!
*Robert cuts the Headless Horseman’s “head” off while he is distracted (this not shown onscreen). Blood sprays all over the bridge as the Jack O Lantern rolls to the floor, and the corpse falls down, showing an esophagus, revealing the pumpkin to be his natural head.*
Athansios: Yuck, it turns out Scottie’s theory was correct.
Scottie: What can I say, Athansios? I am really smart!
Prisco: Eh, I just think Robert cut off the head along with the Jack O Lantern.
Cyan: Now is not the time for theories! Now is the time to stop the monsters from Hell from turning this into Hell on Earth!
*Cut to them at Pumpkin Head’s Hell-Gate. They all are armed with diamond pickaxes.*
Boyce: Well, I never thought we needed these, but I guess we do! Ready, aim, DESTROY!
*All eight of the Jacobs cut down segments of obsidian, destroying the portal and turning it to a mound of obisidan.*
Terrence: Wait, what if the monsters escape from our portal?
Robert: No, they will not. I built the Portal Hall just for that! Besides, the wiki says Headless Horseman had access to magic. Maybe he used it to allow the monsters to escape from the portal?
Tyler: I hope and think that.
Athansios: Well, now to go home and have some time to ourselves!
*Cut to Robert’s Abode. Robert is putting Pumpkins and Jack O Lanterns over the mansion.*
Scottie: Wow, all these pumpkins remind me of the Headless Horseman!
Robert: Well, I decided to keep that nasty, ugly, Pumpkin Head’s Jack O Lantern in my trophy room, because by far, that is my greatest achievement.
Prisco: Hey, I just built a clock from the gold and Scarlet Rock in that mine! Right now, it is dusk.
Robert: Yes, I could already tell by the red clouds, but thank you for the reminder. Well, brothers, it is Halloween. Time to do go to the village and look for soul cakes!
*Cut to the village where the Jacobs are cosplaying as cannibals and shooters. A scared man runs over to them.*
Ichabod Crane: *Nervous* Sirs! I was chased by a horseman, and then he threw his head at me. When I woke up, I found a crushed pumpkin!
Cyan: Wait, can the Horseman survive taking off his own head? Oh no…
Boyce: Wait, did you see an esophagus on the Jack-O-Lantern?
Ichabod Crane: No…
Robert: Good, because I cut the dastard’s head off and it is never coming back. I could tell by the blood and the esophagus.
Ichabod Crane: Oh heavens! It must have been a more horrifying experience for you.
Terrence: It was hilarious for all of us. He got so angry when we told him his pumpkin was not as big as it was, and then Robert decapitated it!
Ichabod Crane: Well, I look to hear more tales about you! But I have not heard your names!
All: (Saying their own names) Robert, Terrence, Tyler, Athansios, Scottie, Prisco, Cyan, Boyce.
Ichabod Crane: Thank you! *Walks off, relieved.*
Tyler: Well, now to get more Soul Cakes!
*We cut to Brendan’s house.*
Brendan: Whoa, you guys are all dressed as cannibals, shooters, and Pipipis! But I know all eight of you are really Robert, Terrence, Tyler, Athansios, Scottie, Prisco, Cyan, and Boyce!
Robert: Wait, how does the boy know our names?
Brendan: I created all of you!
Athansios: Well, Brendan the God, nice to finally meet you.
Terrence: So what will happen to us next?
Brendan: I do not exactly know. I created all eight of you, but that does not mean I can predict the future! Now, have your soul cakes! *Brendan hands out cakes to each of them.*
Tyler: Well, now we finally met our God!
Scottie: You know, that we know where his house is, maybe we could visit him, like, all the time?
Robert: That sounds good. I love the boy.
*Cut back to Robert’s Abode.*
Terrence: Well, we got all these cakes! Let’s have a feast.
Brendan: Good thing I got here?
Athansios: I am confused, how did you get here?
Brendan: I am the God of Venture I can freely go anywhere I want, anytime I want!
Prisco: Well, let’s have some food!
Brendan: By the way, you all are expert fishermen, so in my honor, I will now rain down fish for you!
*Outside of the abode, fish fall out of the clouds.*
Brendan: Now go out there, and I will count how many you caught!
*Cut to after they got all the fish.*
Brendan: Okay, Robert got six, Terrence got eight, Tyler got five, Athansios got nine, Scottie got seven, Prisco got six too, I got four, and Boyce got five. Athansios won!
Robert: What a coincidence!
*Brendan shoots fire out of his fingers and cooks the fish.*
Brendan: Well, nice knowing you!
Cyan: Wait, why can’t you stay?
Brendan: I got lots of other things to do here in Venture, saving people, creating more stuff. By the way, you should go on another mission to see all the biomes I created. Well, goodbye!
All: Bye, Brendan!
*Brendan flies off and into the distance.*